the past influencing the present
Quite often, the things we do (and we know we do them) which do us harm are so ingrained that we just cannot stop doing them - it's like an addiction! This might be a compulsion to judge people all the time, or to seek isolation when someone disagrees with us, or get angry when given feedback; there are a multitude of such self-defeating habits. The reason we have adopted them is because once-upon-a-time they worked for us; usually employed when we were children as either a defence mechanism or a way of successfully gaining attention. We either hid from what we interpreted as (rightly or wrongly) a threat to our person/self; or, we discovered a way of gaining attention (which children can confuse with love and care) from our parents, siblings or teachers that meant to us that we were actually "somebody" and worthy. Unfortunately, as adults, many of these defences and attention-seeking behaviours are no longer valid, and we deploy them in the wrong situations. The end result is feelings of guilt, self-blame and a dent in our esteem. This will often lead to us avoiding many social situations just to save us from our selves.
Psychotherapy and counselling helps a client re-examine past events, uncover patterns of behaviour, and show their link to their present situation. These are major steps towards self-awareness.
responsibility
Ultimately it is important for us all to take responsibility for what happens to us tomorrow by paying attention to what we think, say and do today. Regardless of the past and the (sometimes) traumatic influence it has had on our present situation. This will require elements of forgiveness, acceptance and reinterpretation of ourselves, others and events in our lives. This can be extremely difficult for some people, especially where their present circumstances are adversely affected by others in their lives. Psychotherapy and counselling will help clients to achieve a new perspective and feel motivated to adopt new attitudes. Setting personal goals and acting to move towards them is evidence of a client taking responsibility and that their self-esteem is becoming healthy.
Contact Me with your questions and to make an appointment for psychotherapy and counselling in Calne, Wiltshire.
